Episode 1 How to not hate networking

Speaker: 00:00:05

Welcome to Unstuck and Unstoppable,

the podcast for ambitious female

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leaders who want to create more impact,

income, and influence in their careers.

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feel connected to their passion

and purpose, but without

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selling out or burning out.

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I'm Sarah Archer, a leadership coach

and career strategist, helping women

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like you thrive in leadership roles

while staying true to your values.

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I'm the founder of CareerTree

Coaching and have over 15 years of

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coaching experience and significant HR

leadership experience to share with you.

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I know as a female leader it can

be hard to find time to focus

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The day job can be all consuming.

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Plus, no matter how senior you are,

there are always going to be times

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when you feel stuck, when you have

self doubt, or feel like an imposter.

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Let's get started.

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Hello, and welcome to the very

first episode in the unstuck

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and unstoppable podcast.

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I am so pleased.

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You're here.

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Now let's dive into today's topic, which

is all about how not to hate networking.

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Whenever I talk to my clients about

networking, there's definitely a love

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hate relationship going on often with

a bit more of the hate part of it.

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. How does it make you feel when you think

about going to, some sort of networking

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event, whether that's an internal, or an

external event, how does it make you feel?

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What does it bring up for you?

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because, whether you've got a

promotion mindset or prevention

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mindset, it will determine how

you experience a networking event.

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Let me explain those

two a little bit more.

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And I've definitely had

both of those mindsets.

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if you've got a prevention mindset, then

you'll find that you're feeling about

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networking is something I have to do.

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I have to put myself through it.

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I have to endure it.

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I can't wait to get away.

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It's something I have to tick

off, something I have to do.

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If you've got a promotion mindset,

then you're more curious, more

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open to what the possibilities

are that networking might bring.

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And you can see the advantages

that it can bring you.

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if you're in the prevention mindset,

which a lot of us are around networking,

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it means that you experience it in

a way that makes you feel you're

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not being your authentic self.

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And therefore you don't tend to enjoy it.

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it becomes more of a vicious circle,

because if you don't enjoy it, you

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don't want to go, you dread it.

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And what we want to do is create

more of a virtuous circle by

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having more of a promotion mindset.

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And obviously mindsets can shift.

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When I was a senior HR leader, I

definitely had a prevention mindset.

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I felt I had to do it because

the business expected it.

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I knew it was good in terms of,

potential connections or collaborations.

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I knew I had to promote the

organization and promote, myself by

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going along to these networking events.

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But because I'm on the introvert

scale, I found it quite daunting.

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I hated having to walk into a

room where I didn't know people.

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I felt it was a bit cliquey.

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There were little groups

all over the place.

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I didn't really like

the small talk element.

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I like to get onto the meaty topics.

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it was really out of my comfort zone.

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But when I became a business

owner, I, obviously had to

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network to promote my business.

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And, I ended up going along to a

really lovely networking group where,

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I ended up with a couple of other

women taking it over and running it

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because the person, Who was running

it decided not to do it anymore and

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we didn't want the group to fold.

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We created our own networking culture.

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We made sure it was really welcoming.

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We never let people be on their own.

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We always like connecting people.

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We put in lots of activities and speakers.

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So it wasn't all about small talk, but

we left lots of space for connection

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and I really enjoyed networking.

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I definitely shifted on to

more of a promotion mindset.

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and also it gave me a purpose at the

networking, which is something that can

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be helpful when you are networking.

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I've definitely experienced both

prevention and promotion mindset.

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So I know it's possible to do that shift.

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And what I wanted to talk through

today was some ideas about how you

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can make it more enjoyable for you.

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Hopefully you'll find some of

these, helpful and you can put

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them into practice at the next

networking event you're going to.

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What I'm talking about today is more

of the group networking experience.

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Obviously networking can be more

on a one to one basis as well,

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But today's is about that thought

of networking in an external

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or internal group setting.

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when you know it's going to be good

for your career, it's going to help you

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get bitterball, it's going to help to

do all the things that you want to do

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around building your career and helping

you be more effective in your job.

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The first tip is to think about being

clear about why you're networking.

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If you get clear about why you're

networking, you're going to get more

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out of it because you're going to

be more focused and it's also going

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to make it more meaningful for you.

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You're going to have more of a

purpose with your networking.

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let's look at the reasons

why you might be networking.

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first of all, it could be that

you want to learn something about

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your industry, or your profession.

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networking groups are really great

for being able to learn things.

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often they'll have speakers who

will share something with you or

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they'll be discussing particular

topics that are going to be useful.

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maybe one of your whys could

be around wanting to learn and

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grow and add to your knowledge.

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Or it might be that you want to

increase your connections and

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contacts for a particular reason.

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That could be around

your career development.

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Maybe you want to find a mentor, or you

want to, increase your connections for

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future opportunities, or it might be

about helping you do your job better.

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it might be about finding

a potential buddy.

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someone who's doing the same job as

you in a different organization, or

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Or it might be about, collaborations,

or it might be about getting

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connections from your connections.

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what you can do for this, you

can think about researching in

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advance, who you want to talk to.

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sometimes you can find out who's going,

and get the host to do an introduction

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for you, often those people that you're

connecting with are willing to introduce

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you to their internal colleagues.

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For example, if you work in marketing

and you happen to be at a networking

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event where you're talking to a

senior finance person, that finance

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person might be willing to introduce

you to their marketing peer.

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And so you can grow your

contacts through the contacts

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you make in the networking group.

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LinkedIn is a great way to follow

up with people and to build your

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connections on LinkedIn and find

out who perhaps in their connection.

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sphere, you might also

want to be connected to.

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your third possibility about what your

why for networking might be about a

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need to be seen, I'm often talking to

clients about raising their visibility

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in terms of their internal promotion

opportunities or external, future career

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opportunities, or you might want to

raise your profile to find a mentor or

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raise it because you want to be seen

in your industry as a go to person.

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you can be quite strategic about maybe

give you speaking opportunities Or where

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you can find connections for speaking

opportunities, or maybe you want to

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do some guest blogging if writing is

your thing, or finding ways to get,

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opportunities to write for your industry.

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or it might be about, the networking

group that all the movers and shakers

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in your industry go to, so you can

connect with people who are really

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cutting edge in your industry.

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and you can go into that why with

a sort of spirit of reciprocity.

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Thinking about how you can help them

rather than necessarily always thinking

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about what they can do for you.

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And that is quite a

useful, way to approach it.

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You can think about, okay,

if they've got speaking

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opportunities, maybe they need some.

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Sometimes it can be hard to find speakers.

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I know when I run my networking group, we

were always looking for great speakers

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to come along and talk to the group.

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so having people volunteer their

services can be , really helpful.

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and your fourth why could be

around just being curious.

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which is a great mindset to go

into these things with anyway.

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because networking can

be really interesting.

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You can meet people who've

got, stories and different

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journeys to yours to explore.

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going in with that, it's not about me.

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I'm going to go and find out about

people and just see where it takes me

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can be a great mindset to be going into

it with because it's quite empowering

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for you and it takes the focus away

from feeling you've got to have that

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elevator pitch, which everyone hates.

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and then you can make some meaningful

connections through just being curious.

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You know, people love

talking about themselves.

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having someone in the, in that,

, conversation who , really helpful.

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So that's the first thing,

find out what your why is.

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Be really clear about why am I networking?

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What do I want to get from it?

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What's my purpose of going along?

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The second thing is to find

the right group for you.

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And with this, you might have to

kiss a few frogs before you find, the

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group that, Is a good fit for you.

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When I was, trying out different

business groups, I definitely

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went along to a few to work out

what was the right culture for me.

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it's good to try out a few and just

notice, what enables you to feel

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authentic when you're in your group,

because they all have different formats,

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different cultures, different rules, and

you can notice how welcoming they are.

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how open to newcomers.

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how relaxed they are, what kind of topics

they talk about, what the surroundings

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are like, and also will they help you

achieve your purpose for networking?

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So be really clear about what kind

of group, enables you to feel

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like you can enjoy networking.

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so if you prefer a bit more

formal setting, then look

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for a more formal group.

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If you like more relaxed, informal,

groups, then obviously try and

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find one that fits with you.

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Then the third tip is to have

strategies for the bits you hate.

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We all have the elements of

networking groups that we

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really don't look forward to.

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so if you've got a strategy, then it's

going to help you feel more confident

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if going along to a networking meeting

takes you out of your comfort zone.

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obviously that first bit of arriving

and not knowing anybody can feeling.

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I'm scanning the room.

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I can't see anybody that I know.

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your strategy could be about checking

the guest list because often they will

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have a guest list of who's attending

before the meeting and then identifying

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somebody that you'd like to talk to and

then asking the host to introduce you.

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If they're a good host, they'll

be happy to introduce you.

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if you don't know anybody you can say to

the host look it's my first group I don't

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know anybody would you mind introducing

me to somebody and they will help you

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with that if that's not possible then

it is just about being proactive and

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finding a group that you can ask if

you can join and thinking about what's

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the worst that could happen they're not

going to say No, you can't, , because

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everyone's polite, we're gonna, be

okay about someone joining our group.

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So just going for it.

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It's going to be just knowing that

you can do that will help you.

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But , networking, people do

move around, they do circulate.

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So it might be that you find

yourself with no one to talk to.

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So again, you've got to

have a strategy for that.

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It could be okay, I'm going to look for

somebody else who's on their own who

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might just come out of a group and make

a beeline for them and introduce myself.

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They will be incredibly thankful

that you do that because no one likes

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standing there on their own feeling

like they've got no one to talk to.

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So be really happy to talk to you.

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If you can't see anybody, then it

might be heading over to the coffee

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and tea and biscuits, and starting

a conversation with whoever else is

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there, and taking it from there really.

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Then you might have the scenario where

you're stuck with somebody who doesn't

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pick up on social cues or is dominating

the conversation and you feel like you

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could be stuck with them for the whole

two hours of the networking session.

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so having a strategy where you know

you're going to thank them for their time

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explain that you're, trying to meet as

many people as possible today and excusing

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yourself or even offering to introduce

them to somebody else so you can move on.

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but knowing that, you've got a

strategy, so you're not going to be

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stuck with somebody the whole time.

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or if like me, you hate that

small talk piece that just feels

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like, Oh God, are we ever going

to talk about anything meaningful?

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you could research topics before

you go along that are going to be

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interesting to your co networkies.

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So if you're going to a

professional networking group

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where it's all your potential.

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your profession, , researching some topics

or just generally researching topics that

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you could think could be interesting.

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And then being prepared to be that

person who brings up the, Oh, did you

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read about the article on such and such?

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Or, , can just steer the topic onto

something a bit more meaningful.

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as soon as you can.

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Knowing, again, you've got that

strategy to do that can help you relax

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into, okay, I know what I'm going to

do if something like this crops up.

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then the fourth thing you can do to

make it more enjoyable for yourself

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is to set yourself some mini goals

for that networking experience.

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That can help you stay

motivated, while you're there.

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It can also give you a sense of

achievement if you've met that

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mini goal by the end of the.

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networking session.

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It could be the number of people you

want to meet, or it could be there's

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a particular person you want to meet,

or it could be you want to have the

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opportunity to give a talk, or you

want to, get a particular kind of

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type of connection from somebody.

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But setting yourself something as

your goal, will help you, again,

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feel like you've got a purpose, when

you're there, and, help you feel

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like it's, been a good use of my

time because I've achieved X or Y.

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and then being aware that networking

doesn't necessarily finish when you've,

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finished the meeting, but actually

it's also about, continuing those

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conversations with people that you found

meaningful or helpful or that you want

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to build a longer term connection with.

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I mentioned LinkedIn is a great way to

follow up with people, but also, having a

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coffee catch up, taking it more on a one

to one basis outside of the networking.

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setting, sharing useful

information, or even, exploring

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the possibility of collaboration

at some point can be a great way

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to take that networking, further,

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So it becomes more of a long

term, connection for you.

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So just to run through

them again for you.

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We've got, first of all, being

clear about why you're networking.

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So having real clarity

about what you're doing.

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What am I doing it for?

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Is it to learn something to,

increase my contacts, to get

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some opportunities to be seen?

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what am I doing it for?

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And then the second thing is

finding the right group for me.

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Not feeling like the first one I go to,

I've got to stick with, but actually

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experimenting and finding the one

that really makes me feel authentic.

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then having some strategies

for the bits that you hate.

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So, you can confidently deal

with any of those scenarios, then

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setting yourself a mini goal.

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for each of the networking meetings

and being aware about how you want

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to take that networking forward,

take those contacts forward.

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Maybe if you're more comfortable in

a one to one setting anyway, being

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willing to take those further and

be proactive in those relationships.

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I hope that's inspired you to enjoy

networking more and be thinking about,

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okay, if I've got a prevention mindset

now, What can I do to tip my mindset

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more into a kind of promotion mindset?

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I hope that's inspired you to enjoy

networking more and be strategic about

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how it can help your leadership career.

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See you next week.

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Thank you so much for listening

to this episode of the Unstuck

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and Unstoppable podcast.

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I have lots of free resources you

can access on my website, ww.career

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tree coaching.co uk, and I'll

also put links in the show notes.

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If you found this episode

helpful, then please subscribe

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so you don't miss the next one.

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And please do share it with a

friend and leave me a review

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and I will personally thank you.

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Remember, you're capable of more

than you know, shine brightly.

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Lead boldly and unlock the

extraordinary potential within you.

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Be unstoppable.