Episode 9 How to Stop Being A Perfectionist At Work

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Welcome to Unstuck and Unstoppable,

the podcast for ambitious female

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leaders who want to create more impact,

income, and influence in their careers.

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feel connected to their passion

and purpose, but without

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selling out or burning out.

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I'm Sarah Archer, a leadership coach

and career strategist, helping women

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like you thrive in leadership roles

while staying true to your values.

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I'm the founder of CareerTree

Coaching and have over 15 years of

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coaching experience and significant HR

leadership experience to share with you.

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I know as a female leader it can

be hard to find time to focus

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on your career aspirations.

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The day job can be all consuming.

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Plus, no matter how senior you are,

there are always going to be times

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when you feel stuck, when you have

self doubt, or feel like an imposter.

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And that's where unstuck

and unstoppable comes in.

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Each week I'll be sharing practical

strategies, insightful interviews and

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inspiring stories to help you boost

your confidence, lead with purpose

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and achieve sustainable success.

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If you're ready to stop playing

small and unlock the incredible

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potential you have within you and feel

unstoppable, you're in the right place.

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Let's get started.

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Let's dive into today's topic.

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which is all about how to stop

being a perfectionist at work.

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I thought this would be a good

topic to talk about because, we

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probably don't talk about it enough.

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Sometimes people don't feel comfortable

sharing that they are experiencing

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challenges with perfectionist tendencies,

because they don't want to appear weak

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or not able to cope or whatever reason.

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So we try and work through it ourselves.

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I thought it'd be a good topic for

us to talk to, because over the 15

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years that I've been a career and

leadership coach, I have actually

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worked with a number of Clients

who've experienced challenges around

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perfectionist tendencies and it can often

go hand in hand with imposter feelings

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it can play into that as well.

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Definitely something that we might

feel we've got to tackle at some point

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in our careers because it can be a

bit of a double-edged sword, can't it?

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It can help us.

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, achieve, high standards, , work to

a very high level, but can, come

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with challenges around unnecessary

anxiety and, , slowing you down.

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What I want to try and, position

today is that you can still be a high

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achiever, , without being a perfectionist.

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, because, , the research tells us

that if you are a perfectionist or

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you have perfectionist tendencies,

then you're probably going to

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suffer from high levels of stress.

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anxiety, you probably experience a fear

of failure, fear of making mistakes,

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, you constantly feel you have to strive

to do better, you're never happy with

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the success that you've achieved, , you

probably procrastinate because you're

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a perfectionist, and you may experience

lower levels of psychological well being.

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or feelings of happiness.

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Perfectionist tendencies can

impact people around you.

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So your team, , your peers, also

your family can be impacted by

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your perfectionist, , tendencies.

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What I'm going to do today is just

take you through a technique that can

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help with, Changing how you think

about, perfectionism for yourself.

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One of the first things you can do

is think about where it comes from.

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It can be helpful, it's not

essential, but it can be helpful to

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know, , How long have I been feeling

that I have to be a perfectionist?

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Is it something I've

always struggled with?

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Is it something fairly recent?

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, And where's it come from?

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Sometimes if you've had parents who

are perfectionists, or parents who

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have set very high standards for you,

maybe academically, , then that can

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trigger perfectionist tendencies.

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, if you believe that your self worth is

tied up with your achievements, so maybe

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you were praised for your achievement

rather than the effort you put into,

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then getting that achievement that can

create, , perfectionist tendencies,

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or if you feel like you need to be in

control because you are worried about

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failing and appearing vulnerable, that

can also be a trigger for perfectionism

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.

It might just be useful just to reflect about where it's come from,

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, what might've triggered it for you.

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And recognizing also that a lot of people

are scared that if they stop, being

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a perfectionist, it's going to impact

their performance or their reputation.

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And that's not going to be the case,

as I'm going to show you today.

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I have suffered with it in the past.

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When I was in my HR career, I was

a head of HR, and I just reduced

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my hours down to four days a

week because I've become a mum.

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And, , what I was finding is that

I felt like I was not doing either

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of my jobs very well in that I was

not being able to achieve what I

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wanted as my, in my head of HR role.

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I was having to do as much in four

days as I was doing in five days

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and I wasn't managing to deliver

the standard that I wanted to.

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And then as a first time mum.

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I'd set myself really high standards

about how I wanted to be a mum, and I

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was really struggling to do that, , and

work as well, , and give my little boy

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the kind of experience that I wanted to.

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It was making me feel anxious

and a little bit depressed.

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I found a great therapist

and he introduced me to

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the concept of good enough.

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It was just, revelationary.

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It's something that I've carried

with me from that experience.

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The concept of good enough, it's

not about delivering mediocre

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work or low quality work.

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It's just about recognizing that not

everything that you do is worthy of

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100 percent of your time and energy.

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Because as a perfectionist, you

want to do everything really

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well and to a high standard.

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It's recognizing actually that, not

everything at work is worthy of that.

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, and I'm going to talk you through

how you can approach taking that

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on board , as a way of being.

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, because what we want to do is

reposition it for you as re channeling

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the strength that you have through

experience of being a perfectionist,

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rather than aiming for a lower goal.

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We don't want to think about it

as lowering your standards, but

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just rechanneling your strength.

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I had a client that I worked with

around this area who always pops

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into my mind when I think about this.

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She was an architect in

an architect's practice.

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accuracy, detail, high

standards, really important.

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But what she had noticed was

that it was creating this,

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overwhelm around perfection.

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And it was, , impacting her

ability to work and do her job

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and deliver her projects on time.

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And what she was really concerned about

was that at home, she was trying to

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get everything perfect at home as well.

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She was spending her weekends tidying

her house, getting the kids organized,

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not really doing things that she enjoyed

or that gave her a chance to recharge.

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And she was heading towards burnout

and she could recognize this.

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We worked together around

this concept of good enough.

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And again for her, like me, it was

revelationary and she really embraced it

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and put into place, that recognition that

not everything she did at work and at home

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warranted those , really high standards.

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It took time, but it transformed

how she approached both her work and

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her, , home life, and she took on board

the way that, , I'm going to take you

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through now this approach, to help you.

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It broke the cycle for her, because

this is a pattern of thinking that

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we've got into, and we just need

something to break that cycle and

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give us a new pattern to establish.

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I'm really happy to take you through

this seven step approach to establishing

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good enough as your new mantra.

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the first thing would be to

identify two pieces of work.

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, we're not going to be doing everything

because we want it to be sustainable.

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So the first step would be to identify

two pieces of work where you can challenge

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yourself to deliver good enough work.,

they're probably going to be pieces of

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work where they're not hugely impactful.

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They're going to be low impact areas

because you don't want to put the pressure

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on yourself where, doing good enough

work on something that is high impact.

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Just noticing two, two things that work

where you can apply good enough work.

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Questions you can ask yourself

to help with this is, are,

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Am I using my time wisely?

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And am I being productive?

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Because within that whole task list,

that to do list that you've got, there

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are going to be things where, , as

I said, they're not going to be

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worthy of 100 percent of your time.

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So that's the first thing is identifying

two things on your to do list that you

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want to try out good enough approach.

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The second thing then is to

define good enough for you.

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, , we want to be thinking

about maximizing impact.

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, for example, if you were to

spend an extra three hours making

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a presentation, absolutely.

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amazing top drawer, really high standard.

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Is it going to increase the

impact for that client or for your

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organization to the same degree?

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Okay.

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So it's like weighing up is that

extra three hours going to uplift

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and make a difference in terms

of impact to that piece of work?

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The answer is probably no.

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It's probably going to be no.

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You could probably spend an hour on

that presentation and still have the

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desired impact that you want from it.

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So it's weighing up.

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, how am I going to define good enough?

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Is it about the time factor?

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How much time I'm going to spend on this?

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Is it about the number of

edits that I'm going to do?

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What's my cutoff point going to be?

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Where I'm just going to accept

that this is good enough?

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And Sometimes it can be useful to use

a time thing initially to say, okay, I'm

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going to limit myself to spending an hour

on this and then I'm going to accept it.

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It's going to be good enough.

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Which, if you are a perfectionist

now and you're listening to this,

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you're probably going to be going,

Oh my goodness, I can't do that.

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, but stay tuned, because I'm going

to talk you through some other

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things that will help you with this.

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The third thing to do is to give

yourself permission to experiment,

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and to learn from this experience and

not to worry about making a mistake

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and being okay with it not being

perfect, which is a big challenge.

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Because you're used and you've been

used for a long time to delivering

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perfect work and I'm using perfect

loosely, because obviously everyone's

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definition is different, but you're

used to delivering perfect work.

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But, , one thing that can help

with this is using an affirmation.

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We're talking about affirmations

in terms of changing a pattern in

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your brain, because your brain has

a default that you go to, which is

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about everything has to be perfect.

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And what we want to do is

give it a different thought.

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Because the brain doesn't like uncertainty

and you trying something new out is going

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to push your brain into uncertainty.

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giving it a, different thought that can be

reassuring can help you in this transition

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phase where you're trying out good enough.

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, your affirmation might be something

like, , I'm okay with experimenting

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on this particular piece of work.

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I don't expect it to be perfect.

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And then you're just going to repeat

that over and over again to yourself.

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It's better for you to.

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come up with the affirmation because

it'll be more powerful for you.

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But it's something along those lines

about giving yourself permission on this

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particular piece of work for it not to be

perfect and to just experiment with it.

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Because we want to shift this mindset

from everything having to be perfect to

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thinking about this can be good enough.

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And you could bring good enough

into this affirmation too.

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You could say, I'm going to be

comfortable experimenting with good enough

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on this piece of work just to give your

brain that comfort and that certainty.

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Then the fourth thing that can help

with this is to increase your

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motivation so you can focus on the

benefit this is going to give you.

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If we think about the presentation

example I've just talked about,

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instead of spending three hours on this

presentation, you're going to give

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yourself one hour to spend on creating it.

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And don't forget you've got delegation

so you might be able to delegate

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some of the work to somebody else.

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That then is going to

free up two hours for you.

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The benefit of that might be that you

can leave on time and you can get home

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and spend time with your family or you

can leave on time and get to the gym

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because you haven't been able to do any

exercise for ages or that yoga class.

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focusing on the benefit of you

experimenting with good enough.

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Or it might be that you'll be able to

feel less stressed because , you're taking

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charge of your perfectionist tendencies.

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So that's our fourth step.

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Then our fifth step, and this is

about being able to then start

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embedding this approach and making it

sustainable, is to monitor your progress.

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And there's two elements to this.

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The first would be to review and

notice what happens when you submit or,,

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complete a good enough piece of work.

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Does anybody notice?

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Does anybody say, that's

not your usual standard?

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, or, , what happens?

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Probably nothing.

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Probably nobody will, , comment on it.

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Recognizing that it doesn't have

an impact of you spending less

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time on something or doing less

rewrites or less edits on it.

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, so that's one element of

monitoring your progress.

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, and the second thing of that would

be to check in with yourself.

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What did I, avoid because I was fearful

of failing what did I put off this week?

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Because I was scared I was going to fail.

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, and what did I actually take on,

take forward when I felt uncertain.

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It's noticing when you're embracing

good enough and when you're stuck in

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perfectionism because you can start

to celebrate when you are actually

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moving things forward without having

everything perfect before you do

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.

And you can start to notice the things where you are still avoiding the good

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enough approach or where you might

be procrastinating because you're.

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afraid of failure and just asking

yourself how could I approach that

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differently so that I can move it forward

in terms of a good enough approach.

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So monitoring your progress on that.

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Then our sixth point is to engage

some support with this, because

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sometimes we feel just got to

do it myself, do it on my own.

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But actually you could look for support

from your boss or peers that you trust,

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where you've got good relationships and

you can ask them for support in two ways.

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You could show them a document or

something you're working on that's one of

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your good enough, , pieces of work early

in the process and get their feedback.

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So they might say, , yeah,

, that's absolutely fine.

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That's good enough right now.

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It'll help you in your judgment around

understanding what is good enough.

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That's one thing you could ask them for.

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The other thing you could ask them

for, , is to give you feedback and

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you're going to tell them you're

giving them permission to do this, give

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you feedback when you're maybe being

too fussy or too finicky or too high

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maintenance to help you recognize when

maybe you don't need to be stressing

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about that high level of input.

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That's two things you can think about

in terms of getting support with this.

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, and then the seventh point is

recognizing that underneath these

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perfectionist tendencies might be

some unhelpful limiting beliefs.

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And you might want to get some

professional support to unpack

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those limiting beliefs and get

some help reframing them into

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more supportive beliefs.

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That could be from a coach, and that's

the work I do with my clients, or

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depending on how deeply the beliefs

are held and where they've come from,

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it might be getting some therapeutic

interventions, like I did when I

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was struggling with being a mum.

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So bear that in mind too, , because

you've probably been managing

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these perfectionist tendencies

for a long time, so some things

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might feel a bit hard to shift.

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Hopefully that has given you some food

for thought around, , being able to

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move through perfectionist tendencies.

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And I'm just going to quickly

run through those seven points

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again, just to remind you.

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So we've got one is identify two

pieces of work that you can experiment

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with,, a good enough approach.

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The second thing is to define

good enough for yourself.

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What does it mean for you?

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The third thing is to give yourself

permission to experiment, permission

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not to be perfect, and use an

affirmation to help you with that.

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The fourth thing is to focus on the

benefits of taking a good enough approach.

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The fifth thing is to monitor your

progress and learn from it, and also

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celebrate when it has worked for you.

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The sixth thing is to engage

support from your boss or peer.

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And the seventh is to get support

professionally if you feel you need it.

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, I would love to know, , if that

helps you, if you do take some action

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around, , trying out the good enough

approach, then please message me.

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Let me know.

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I'd always love to know how it's gone.

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This episode is also available to watch

on LinkedIn live and I'll put a link

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in the show notes, and while you're

over on LinkedIn, do connect with me.

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If we're not connected, I'd

love to make your acquaintance.

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Thank you so much for listening

to this episode of the Unstuck

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and Unstoppable podcast.

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I have lots of free resources you

can access on my website, ww.career

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tree coaching.co uk, and I'll

also put links in the show notes.

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If you found this episode

helpful, then please subscribe

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so you don't miss the next one.

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And please do share it with a

friend and leave me a review

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and I will personally thank you.

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Remember, you're capable of more

than you know, shine brightly.

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Lead boldly and unlock the

extraordinary potential within you.

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Be unstoppable.